The ministry so far—the woes of Spiritual Directors
As a newly ordained priest, I have had so much zeal to show people the way to heaven just like the Curé d’Ars; St. John Mary Vianney, as was his wont, to always do with all his might and all his spirit and with all he got and just like Jesus (John 14:16) . So, whenever someone came to me asking that I might be his or her spiritual director, I would always oblige with every happiness to do one thing and only but one thing: to lead them to righteousness and to God and so to heaven (Matt 28:18-20).
However, experience hasd made me to slow down in order to face four urgent realities with regards to spiritual direction and which every spiritual director ought to look into:
1. There are those who want you to become their spiritual director because they only need your financial assistance.
2. There are those who want you to become their spiritual director because they need you to support ALL the things they do and what they are.
3. There are those who want you to be their spiritual director because they need someone to lead them to God.
4. There are those who want you to become their spiritual because they like you but they can’t explain all the reasons why they liked you; it just unfolds.
These three observations have made me to reconfigure my mind with spiritual boldness such that whenever someone wants me to become his or her spiritual director, the first thing is to know the direction he or she is heading to and this has helped a lot, without which they would be the ones to direct the spiritual director without him knowing it.
The fourth category of people is the most confusing. Some of them could be swayed to the right direction if they are open to the Holy Spirit and to holy human understanding that Jesus had people who liked him and became saints from such likeness (Matt 27:56; John 11:1-25). But, some would strive unknowingly or knowingly to direct you to the road where angels fear to walk. Such are strong in their weakness.
So, what I do in the beginning of every request is to enter into a spiritual and psychological dialogue with such person, sometimes employing the intellectual midwifery of sacrates, to decipher his or her direction. When this is decoded, then I prudently make it obvious to such what spiritual direction is all about. The next is that I let the person go in order to that he or she might decide later, what he or she wants. In the end, if the person doesn’t return whichever way, either physically or through the phone or other means of communication, you already know what it means.
But, some are spiritually stubborn and thus return even when they know that they are moving to the wrong direction and don’t want to change to the right direction. This is for another topic. But, you have to let them go prudently because this is war.
However, the worst part of three is the number two, who want you to support ALL they do. By implication and for instance, if the person is married and having issues with the partner, he or she would want you to condemn his or her partner but when he or she is wrong, she wouldn’t accept any spiritual direction or fatherly correction. Such a person would always want you to pray for him or her with the aim that she is fighting a spiritual warfare against his her partner.
When you are not giving such support, this person would leave you for another spiritual director and to another and to another, etc., and so it goes on. It’s never about spiritual growth but to support their ego.
If they are well to do, they would even shower you with money and gifts in various ways: booking of masses with huge amounts, helping your ministry for the poor, sowing of seeds, tithes etc. When you are not careful, you may be carried away by these and forget the primary aim of becoming their spiritual director. You would always want them and then they begin to manipulate your spiritual direction.
To be continued, and may thou O Lord have mercy on us, and grant us your salvation.
Also read: Everyone must not get married. It’s not a do-or-die-affair.